by Oliver DeMille

Since 2001 a number of social commentators have noted that as a society we are outsourcing more and more of the things that were typically done by families (one of the best works on this is The Future of Business by former U.S. Secretary of Labor Robert Reich). For example, the following list includes things done almost entirely by families in the year 1900:

• Childcare
• Education
• Eldercare
• Counseling
• Food Growing
• Cooking
• Cleaning
• Reading Bedtime Stories
• Massage Therapy
• Entertainment
• Sexual Intimacy
• Home Repair
• Taking Care of Animals
• Yard Care
• Role Modeling
• Teaching Religion

The list has changed in the past century, and the victim has been the family. Perhaps the "Big 5" on the list are:

• Childcare, which has been outsourced, especially in urban America, to professional childcare and educational institutions.
• Food Preparation, which has been outsourced to fast food and pre-packaged meals. For example, 1999 was the first year in which expenditures in the U.S. for fast food exceeded expenditures for groceries.
• Entertainment, which used to consist of families reading together or things like group picnics and outings. Today, even when families are together, they usually sit facing away from each other toward a television, movie screen, or sporting event.
• Teaching Religion, which was once seen as the role of parents with the preacher lending a helping hand, is now almost entirely outsourced to the pastor or Sunday school teacher or to some secular alternative.
• Education, which historically was overseen by parents who hired and evaluated teachers and did much of the instruction themselves, has now been almost fully outsourced to "the experts."

Another huge trend, which already has drastic consequences that are only beginning to be understood, is the outsourcing of counseling between husband and wife (discussion of their fears, anxieties, worries and fondest dreams) to expert counselors. Perhaps the 54% divorce rate in the U.S. is connected to this; as Allan Bloom pointed out in 1987, people live, sleep and sometimes eat together, but they don’t think, dream and work together toward a common goal in the same way that our grandparents did. This delegation of intimacy to the experts may yet be the biggest trend of all.

And what is the impact of using videos or DVDs in the place of reading bedtime stories to toddlers? The outsourcing of our families and the things only families can do well is a growing trend, and a very sobering commentary on the future of our society. Historians might compare it to the fateful practice among French women in the 1750s-1780s of not nursing their own children—of instead turning them over to wet nurses. Few would argue that this was the only cause of the bloodbath and societal fall in the French Revolution in the 1780s, but almost everyone agrees that this was a significant part of it.

So, with all these duties being outsourced, what is left that only the family can do? According to the new economy — nothing. The leading view today is that "It Takes a Village," that even love can be outsourced to teachers, coaches, clubs and mentors. The truth is that it does take a village, a community, but a community of families working, playing, cooperating and facing obstacles together, not a community of government institutions.

In short, Trend One is that as a society we are outsourcing family roles.

OPPORTUNITY

A vital solution to Trend One is a central book.

Families with a central book outsource less. They have a sense of cohesion, of connection, of ties to the common purpose and mortal mission of the family as a unit. They see the family as the central unit of society, and the home as its most important institution. They act differently, and they make decisions with the family foremost in their planning.

A central book is a true book that the whole family reveres. Rachel and I have personal friends whose central book is the Bible, others the Torah, other s the Qur’an. We have close friends who revere as their central book the Dhamapada, others the writings of Yogi Yogananda, others whose central book is the Analects of Confucius, and another family we know uses Shakespeare as their central book. We have gained so much from the study of each of these wonderful works of inspiration and genius. Whatever your national book, it should be something true, something you revere and look to as source of higher wisdom and guidance.

But it is not enough to have a central or national book; families must use it. This is a fundamental tenet of any quality education. To use a central book, to unite the family around its purpose and role in the world, to put the family at the center and stop outsourcing family to the market, parents should wisely plan and adopt the following Central Book traditions into the home:

• Read Daily
• Read Together Out Loud
• Discuss at Length

When this is done consistently, children and parents will turn to their central book when challenges arrive, they will believe its teachings in hard times and make better decisions under the pressure of life pain and struggle. Of course, this means that you should be wise about your choice of a national book. I shared some deep personal convictions with a close friend of mine, at a time when both of us were being open and talking about what really matters most. When I finished, and after we both felt a sense of care and respect, he brushed away the tears, composed himself, and then announced that his religion and central book was "the Church of the NFL." He went on to instruct me on how deeply he loves the National Football League, how he never misses a Sunday "meeting," and how he spiritually suffers during the seven months of the year without Sunday or Monday night football games. He was quite sincere and very consistent in his w orship, but I doubt that his central book solved the pressure on his family to outsource. Eventually he divorced, a heartbreak to all who know him and his beautiful wife and bright, happy children. Of course, I don’t believe that the NFL was the cause of his divorce, but I do believe that a better central book could have made a difference. Be wise in choosing your central book.

Over the years I’ve met with a number of people who wanted to study the classics, to get a quality classical education, but who struggled because they just hated reading in the challenging language of many classics. I wondered why some people naturally understand the classics while others struggle to even comphrehend the language, until I heard classicist Arthur Henry King say that only people who heard the classics read out loud as children really speak the language without and accent—everyone else has to learn it like a foreign language.

As I pictured my former college students, those who just naturally picked up Shakespeare or The Federalist on the first reading versus those who couldn’t seem to get it even after months of trying, I could clearly see from what I know about their families that nearly everyone was just manifesting their childhood education. I remember one young lady in particular who was a genius in any classical course—from Milton to Newton, or Thucydides to Blackstone. I once asked her what her educational background was, and when she said "homeschooling" I quizzed her for a long time about what her family did.

They had no set curriculum, no expensive texts or tutors. They sat around for hours with Mom reading Shakespeare, poetry, and other classics, and with Dad and Mom together they read the scriptures out loud as a family almost daily. I later worked with three other members of the family, several of whom were National Merit Scholar finalists with very prestigious scholarship options who choose to attend George Wythe College. I saw this pattern in a number of students over the years. Whenever I notice a student with a powerful ability to think and understand—seemingly just naturally—almost any writing or problem of complex difficulty, especially in human relations, math and science, I assume that they grew up in a family where classics were read together aloud. I have seldom been in error in making this assumption.

More importantly, the continuation of this tradition has a direct and positive effect on the strength of modern families. People with a central book, who use it consistently in their lives and together as a family, are more likely to maintain family than those who don’t. A powerful solution for the outsourcing of family is a family focus on a great central book.

Resources:

• Our Home: The Key to Nobler Life, Sargent
• The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, Schlessinger
• A Thomas Jefferson Education Home Companion, ch 5, 7
• Leadership Education (the whole book--infancy to grandparenting!!)
• Introductory Family Classic Reading List
• "Youth v. Teenager," by Michael Platt

Other Resources:

Family Finance

• The Jackrabbit Factor: Why You Can, Householder
• Money...It's Not Just for Rich People!, Bolon
• Killing Sacred Cows: Overcoming the Financial Myths That Are Destroying Your Prosperity, Gundersen and Palmer
• Rich Dad Poor Dad: What the Rich Teach Their Kids About Money-That the Poor and the Middle Class Do Not!, Kiyosaki

Organization

• Ingredients for Success
• A Thomas Jefferson Education Home Companion, ch. 8, 11. appendix A
• Leadership Education: The Phases of Learning, ch. 3-5
• www.lazyorganizer.com
• www.flylady.net